Miss you, Sam
by bucktooth22
Summary: Sam prays to his dead love: a certain trickster angel. Said angel, while trying to rejoin the mortal world in the form of an angel's ghost, needs to have a little fun. Trickster that he is, Gabriel has made it his mission to cock block Dean and Cas until he can have is own fun with Sam. Because no one can have fun if he can't. Sabriel Destiel Fluff
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural

A/N: This is Sam's POV. There's also another version of the same story from Gabe's POV called I'm Trying Sammy

Sam, Dean, and Cas thought they'd dealt with the skeletons in their closet. While they remembered the people they'd lost, they tried not to let the emotions strangle them. Each had a coping technique: Dean's was alcohol and sex (with Cas). Cas's was sex (with Dean). Sam, however, prayed. He knew no one was listening, especially not to him, but he prayed the hardest when he thought that. He'd never really learned how to pray, so he figured it was something like a letter. He'd start with "Dear Gabe, "and then tell his dead love all the things that had gone on since his last prayer. When he was done he'd finish with a weak "Miss you, Sam." It had been months, Sam prayed every day, even though he knew Gabriel was dead. No one could hear him, but he just prayed louder. Sometimes he'd cry, sometimes he'd just accept that the world was shitty, but he'd always end with "Miss you, Sam."

"Dear Gabe, stuck in another shitty motel. Miss you, Sam." Sam looked around the motel, it seemed like someone would have to actually work to make it that disgusting. Gabe would have snapped his perfect fingers and Sam would be lounging in a mansion with amazing food and a lush bed. Sam moved to the fridge but froze when he heard a yell from the room next door. He bolted over, as it had been Dean's yell. The door was flapping open in the strong wind revealing Dean crouched over Cas trying to pull the covers up to hide their bodies. Trying his hardest not to gag at the sight of his brother's body, Sam slammed the door shut. Returning to his own room, Sam sat on the bed and popped open a beer. "Dear Gabe, just saw Dean and Cas. Wish you were here to bleach my eyes for me. Miss you, Sam." A few minutes passed before Dean strolled over to Sam's room.

"Look Sammy, you didn't see what you think you saw." Dean said in a lame attempt.

"Really?" Sam said dryly. "I'm not ten Dean." Sam said as he forced his eye roll not to turn into a glare.

"Well Cas and I are going on a food run." Dean said awkwardly.

"Would you like us to get you anything?" Cas asked appearing next to Dean with a telltale feather flap.

"Bleach." Sam had meant it to be sarcastic but it ended up sounding practically venomous. Dean looked abashed and left with Cas. "Dear Gabe, why am I acting like this? I'm usually better at controlling my emotions, but I'm just so...mad!" Sam threw his beer bottle against the wall watching it shatter. "Dean trots Cas around like his perfect little angel while you're...gone. It's like he's shoving it in my face. It's my fault you're dead! I get it." Sam let out a shaky breath as he tried to hold back the sobs that usually wracked his body when he went down this path. "I blame myself already, so he doesn't have to make it worse." Sam hissed. "Missing you more than ever, Sam." Sam finished off his prayer and went to clean up the shards of broken glass. Doing it by hand seemed the best way to make him feel better, each cut taking his mind off Gabe if only for a second. He liked the burn of the alcohol on his bloody hands too. Gabe would have snapped and the bottle would be whole again, or the shards would be in the trash, and Sam's hands would be perfectly fine again. But Gabe was gone.

Dean and Cas returned later and the brothers sat while the angel put the groceries away. "Sammy, I might die soon." Dean said sighing with his eyes on Cas's ass. Sam rolled his eyes. "Cas and I haven't had sex in months." Dean confessed.

"Sure Dean." Sam said dryly. What he'd seen earlier looked too much like sex to be anything else, Cas's legs on Dean's shoulders, their faces both pink.

"No really. We get going and just when we're about to finish the job something happens. Like I'm cursed or something. Every time." Dean said as if it were the worst thing in his entire existence.

"Like the door flying open in the wind?" Sam asked frowning. Dean nodded. "Could be a ghost." Sam offered.

"I don't have anything that would be haunted." Dean said.

"And I haven't seen any ghosts." Cas said casually as he finished putting the groceries away.

"You know, it's the kinda shit Gabriel would pull. Fucking trickster." Dean snapped his fingers, mocking the archangel. Sam's fingernails dug into his palm as he focused every ounce of self-restrain he possessed on not attacking his brother.

"Gabe's dead." Sam said through clenched teeth.

"Can angels be ghosts? Maybe you can't see angel ghosts." Dean continued as if he hadn't heard Sam. Maybe he hadn't, Sam had said it a bit quiet. Maybe he should slap Dean upside the head and say it again. "Anyway, I really need to finish the job soon or I might explode. Literally." Dean said miming an explosion from his pelvic region. The two left, Sam didn't want to think why, and he was once again alone. Painfully, soul crushingly alone. "Dear Gabe, I'm lonely. Miss you, Sam." Sam said as he curled up on the bed.

"I'm trying Sammy." A voice said. It sounded fuzzy, like a radio station that was not coming in correctly, but Sam was instantly alert. It had been Gabe's voice.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural

"I've gone crazy." Sam was trying desperately to rationalize what he'd heard. "I wanted to hear his voice so bad, I did. That's all." Sam mumbled. "Can't be." His hands were shaking and his face was flushed as his eyes scanned the room, desperate for some sign. He hoped it was real while damning himself for hoping. It couldn't be real, he couldn't be alive. Sam knew he shouldn't get his hopes up; it would only hurt more when they were crushed but he wanted so desperately for it to be real. Straining his ears in the hopes that he could catch any noise, anything, while looking around desperately for the source of the murmur, Sam cursed everything he believed. It simply could not be real. His fingers curled into fists that were clenched so tight they were paper white while he felt tears well up hot and angry in his eyes.

"Sammy?! Did you hear me?" Gabe's voice sounded so far away, but was no longer fuzzy like a radio station that wasn't quite coming in properly.

"Gabe?" Sam's voice was so small, so scared. It couldn't be real.

"Sammy, I'm coming!" Gabe seemed to be shouting at the top of his lungs but he sounded so far away. Sam's eyes were wide. It couldn't be real. It was Dean playing a trick on him. So help him, if this was a trick, Sam would…What would he do? He'd already started the apocalypse, it couldn't get much worse. Sam didn't know what he'd do but it made the situation that much scarier.

"Gabe, please." Sam let out a weak sob, it couldn't be real. After a long time Sam felt a sudden flow of warm air on his face. "Gabe?" Sam mumbled both hopefully and hopelessly.

"Sammy babe, can you hear me?" Gabe asked sounding suddenly very close.

"Oh my god Gabe, it's really you. I can't believe it's you." Sam said crying. He was such a mess.

"C'mon moose, you know I don't like to see you cry." Gabe said sweetly making Sam smile and hiccup softly.

"What's going on?" Sam asked wishing he could see Gabe, touch him, hold him.

"I'm a ghost." Gabe said awkwardly. "An angel ghost."

"Is that a thing?" Sam asked laughing at the absurdity, his angel boyfriend had become a ghost, John Winchester would be rolling over in his grave.

"I guess it is." Gabe said with an audible shrug in his voice. God Sam missed him.

"I have so much to tell you." Sam said thinking of all his prayers, wondering if Gabe had heard them.

"How can you? You tell me everything already." Gabe laughed.

"So you heard my prayers?" Sam asked eagerly.

"Every one bleach boy." Gabe cackled. Pausing, it occurred to him that maybe it had been Gabe causing Cas and Dean so much trouble.

"Have you been-"

"Yep!" Gabriel said gleefully. "I figure if I can't have my happy Sammy time, Dean can't have his happy Cas time." Gabriel said laughing.

"Gabe!" Sam tried to sound reprimanding but couldn't help but laugh. "God I missed you." Sam sighed.

"I've been right here the whole time. Ya know, except when I was in the room next door cock blocking." Gabe cackled.

"Really? The whole time?" Sam asked blushing.

"I liked it when you called my name." Gabriel purred.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural

"So you know you can't tell your brother about me right?" Gabe's voice turned serious.

"What why?" Sam asked anxious. Maybe if he told Dean and Cas they could help, bring Gabe back somehow.

"I've been trying to figure out a way to bring myself back and I don't want that idiot brother of your getting in the way." Gabe said casually.

"He can help." Sam said earnestly before snapping his mouth shut as the door opened.

"Who were you talking to Sam?" Castiel asked as he walked in, arms full of grocery bags.

"Myself." Sam said quickly. Dean's eyes narrowed at his brother as he deposited his bags in the kitchen area.

"As if." Dean said looking very suspicious.

"Were you praying?" Castiel asked casually as he began putting things in the fridge.

"Maybe." Sam said evenly with a shrug. Dean looked more suspicious and made a disbelieving noise.

"He does pray quite often." Castiel confirmed.

"To who?" Dean asked approaching Sam.

"Whom." Sam corrected. "It's not your problem who I pray to."

"It is if you're talking to dick bag angels who will come here and kick our asses." Dean said sourly. Sam rolled his eyes.

"Don't tell him." Gabe's disembodied voice whispered. Sam wanted to tell Gabe that he wasn't helping, especially since the warmth gathering around Sam made his skin crawl like that.

"I do what I want Dean." Sam grumbled. Dean looked unreasonably suspicious but he backed off. Castiel gave each brother a beer and Sam was glad to have something to distract from him. "Did they have pie?" Sam asked casually.

"Yes." Dean's face brightened

"What kind?" Sam asked; glad to have a topic that made Dean stop looking at him with suspicion.

"Dean made us get apple and cherry." Castiel said holding up the two full pies.

"You bought two whole pies?" Sam asked incredulously.

"No." Dean smirked. "David Gonzales bought two whole pies." Dean said holding up the credit card.

"David Gonzales?" Sam shook his head.

"Dean-o you are _such_ an idiot." Gabriel sighed. Sam tried not to show any signs of humor but really Gabriel was not helping. Really though, Sam had to agree. Sam pulled out his laptop and flipped it open.

"David is contributing to us, he's quite thankful. We did save the world after all." Dean said solemnly.

"We also started the apocalypse." Sam said not looking up from his laptop.

"That wasn't my fault." Dean frowned. Sam knew it wasn't Dean's fault.

" **It was my fault.** " He typed.

"It was not your fault." Gabriel growled.

"Gabriel?" Castiel looked suddenly very perplexed.

"Damn." Gabriel mumbled. "I guess the cat's out of the bag. Don't tell Dean." Gabriel's voice said.

"I tell Dean everything." Castiel said frowning.

"Tell me what?" Dean asked looking terribly confused.

"Gabriel is here." Castiel said.

"Great now the whole family knows." Gabriel huffed. "No more fun for me."

"I thought Gabriel was dead!" Dean said. Sam was suddenly overcome with the urge to slap his brother.

" **Things like that make me want to hit him.** " Sam typed. Gabriel laughed.

"Hit him. Tell him I possessed you and made you do it." Gabriel said in an amused voice.

"Do not hit your brother." Castiel said looking directly at Sam who shrank.

"Sam?!" Dean looked at his brother.

"Gabe's here. He's a ghost." Sam said.

"What?" Dean asked pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Gabriel is a ghost." Castiel said.

"I heard him." Dean growled. "I mean, how? Can angels even become ghosts?" Dean asked sounding like he really didn't even want to know the answer.

"Archangels do apparently." Gabriel said.

"Why can't Dean hear you?" Sam asked curiously.

"Because he's an idiot." Gabriel said casually.

"I am not!" Dean growled before his eyes went wide. "How long have you been here?" He demanded as his eyes narrowed on Sam.

"Um… since I died?" Gabriel said in his most 'it's totally obvious' voice.

"It was you wasn't it." Dean snarled. Gabriel broke into a fit of laughter.

"Yep." Gabriel cackled.

"I am going to wring your neck." Dean snarled.

"Um… I'm dead dummy." Gabriel said.

"We have to bring him back." Sam said looking determined at his brother.

"We didn't even know angels can become ghosts so how are we supposed to bring him back?" Dean asked.

"Well we'll just have to figure it out." Sam said.

"I'll help." Gabriel's voice offered. Suddenly Sam's laptop screen showed a page on the internet with information about angels and ghosts. "That should help. I've been reading it. I think it should be the same." Gabriel said.

"This will just make you visible." Sam said scanning the page.

"Baby steps." Gabriel's voice purred.

"Well I'm not helping till I get some alone time with Cas." Dean crossed his arms.

"No Dean. You're helping." Sam's voice was murderous.

"Let them have some alone time Sam." Gabriel said gently. Dean nodded satisfied and led Castiel to the room next door.

"Dean says you're dead so nonchalantly. He flaunts his fucking angel right in front of me. It's not fair. He has to make a deal just to help me bring you back?" Sam broke the beer bottle in his hand. "He doesn't have the right." Sam snarled.

"It's okay Sammy." Gabriel's voice sounded small.

"It's not! It's not fair!" Sam said furiously.

"Sammy…" Gabriel's voice sounded scared.

"I'm sorry Gabe. It's just so frustrating. He doesn't even make an effort to understand how I feel." Sam sighed.

"Get revenge." Gabriel offered. "He left the pie in the fridge."

A smirk curled Sam's lips.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural

"NOT FUNNY!" Dean bellowed. He held up the empty tins that had held the apple and cherry pies hours ago. Gabriel laughed, infuriating Dean more.

"We can get more." Castiel said reasonably.

"That's not the point!" Dean shouted. Sam ran out the door with his laptop tucked safely under his arm and Gabriel's laughter floating after him. Sam laughed with Gabe as the impala tore down the road.

"That was too perfect." Sam laughed.

"Now you understand a little what it's like to be me." Gabriel chuckled.

"I distinctly remember being on a game show called Nutcracker that was not as funny." Sam teased.

"That was before I knew how wonderful those parts are on you." Gabriel purred suggestively.

"Stop." Sam frowned. He looked at his hand, it had been cut painfully when he crushed the beer bottle in his hand and the bandage drew his attention to the fact that Gabriel was not here.

"Sorry." Gabriel sounded abashed. Sam needed to bring Gabe back to life. He couldn't deal with this much longer, it hurt too much. Sam parked outside of the library and hopped out, locking the impala and heading inside. He continued research and bought the ingredients for a spell. The whole time Gabriel chatted on about all the things Sam had told him.

"How do you remember everything I've told you?" Sam asked closing his laptop and looking in the general direction that Gabriel's voice was coming from.

"It's cute how you think I pay attention to anything else." Gabriel laughed.

"What?" Sam asked blushing.

"Whenever you pray I like to sit next to you. Nothing is more important than you Sammy." Gabriel said.

"You are." Sam retorted as he picked up his things and went to leave.

"My moose. Why are you so hard on yourself?" Gabriel asked as they started the drive back to the motel. Sam didn't respond. "It hurts me to see you sad babe."

"This whole time you've been right there and you never said anything to me. You never gave me a sign that you were there. You just let me suffer." Sam said softly.

"Sammy baby, I did give you signs. You just didn't want to see them." Gabriel said.

"Like what?" Sam asked harshly turning to the passenger seat as they pulled to a stop at the motel.

"It started out as little things. Moving a case, or messing with lights. Then I started doing things like messing with your brother. I even kept you warm during winter." Gabriel's voice said sounding small. "Keeping the other ghosts away from you."

"Other ghosts can see you?" Sam asked urgently.

"Well yeah." Gabe said casually.

"You never mentioned that." Sam hissed as he rushed inside and began typing furiously. Gabriel locked the car and followed his boyfriend inside, not even hesitating when he thought of what Cas and Dean might be doing in the room next door.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural

Okay, maybe he hesitated a little. And by a little, he might have turned all the lights on in their bedroom suddenly, and flung open the door causing such a gust of wind the comforter they were romping under blew off them and onto the floor. Dean let out a strangled shout as he slammed the door shut so hard it broke, fell off its hinges and landed at his feet. Gabriel laughed and floated easily through the wall and sat next to Sam. "What did you do now?" Sam asked, not looking up from the laptop.

"Nothing." Gabriel hummed as he gently touched the laptop making the site Sam had been studying disappear.

"Gabe." Sam sighed. Dean barged in the door, fuming with a blanket tied haphazardly around his waist.

"If you don't get your angel in line..." He snarled. Gabriel blew a gust of wind making the sheet around the elder Winchester fly up, and flashing Dean's perky ass to all the people in the parking lot. Dean's face turned purple as he slammed the door shut so hard the thick wood cracked, but luckily this time it didn't fall off its hinges. Dean rounded on Sam who had yet to look up from his laptop.

"You'll what Dean? Kill me?" Gabriel cackled. "Just try." Sam shut his eyes. It was like they didn't understand. It was like they made an effort to say things that hurt him.

"Do you have anything on the save-ghost-angel's-ass front?" Dean asked looking hard at Sam. Sam looked at Dean who looked like he was struggling with his urge to say things that could very well upset Sam.

"Shut up Dean." Gabriel said suddenly.

"I'm going to wring your little neck." Dean snarled.

"Shut up!" Gabriel hissed. Sam looked nervous as a cold descended on the room. Sam shut his eyes tight as he willed the cold to leave.

"What's happening?" Dean asked frowning. Castiel appeared in the door with a worried expression.

"We should leave." Cas said looking around the room with concern.

"What's happening?" Dean asked Cas urgently.

"I am no longer an angel so I do not know." Cas growled. "But I have the sense to know that something is wrong." Castiel said as he dragged Dean from the room.

"Sammy! Get your ass out here." Dean called but the door slammed before Sam could follow and he was trapped alone in the battle of ghosts.

"Dear Gabe." Sam covered his ears trying to drown out the sound of the wind blowing chaotically in the motel room. "Ever since I realized you were here I was too scared to pray to you. Now that you can answer, it's so much harder. It's like I'm being crushed every time you talk to me. I need you Gabe. I need you to be here, and to hold me, and to tell me everything is going to be okay. I need to see your face and to touch you and I can't. Knowing I can't hurts so much. I feel so guilty and it's worse because I can't see you, so it just seems fake. Like I'm making you up. Like you're this wonderful dream that I'm scared to wake up from. If I bring you back, what if something goes wrong and you're gone for good? It would be all my fault." Sam mumbled. Silence fell as a pleasant warmth flooded the room. The door swing open revealing Castiel and Dean trying to break down the door. The wind stopped and it was calm.

"Sammy? Can you hear me?" Gabe's voice sounded so far away.

"Gabe?" Sam murmured. His laptop screen lit up revealing typing.

 **I know you found the spell Sammy**

Sam tried to hide his fear. He had to cast the spell.

 **I need you to cast it now**

Sam couldn't cast it now! He didn't have the ingredients. Had Gabriel not just heard his prayer? Could he offer no reassurance?

 **Look moose, I know you're scared but you have to do it now**

Some reassurance that was. Sam stared at the screen with dismay. Even if he could, he didn't have the ingredients for the spell.

 **Ok babe I can only do so much here**

Sam read the line and sat back confused until all of the ingredients appeared at the end of the bed. Dean and Cas looked worried as Sam began combining the mysteriously materialized ingredients. When it was done Sam put his hands over the flame feeling the painful heat as it seared into his flesh. He stepped back and shut his eyes.

"Sam?" Dean's voice asked.

"Shut your eyes." Sam said. Dean opened his mouth to say something but Cas covered his eyes and shut his own, and the three were enveloped in silence. After a moment there was a high pitched noise and the three covered their ears as glass shattered and a flash of blinding light appeared before it shot up into the sky. Hesitantly, the three uncovered their ears and opened their eyes.

"Gabe?" Sam asked hesitantly. No response. "Gabe?" Sam asked a little louder. Still nothing. Sam's face fell.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural

"Golly Sam, if you shout any louder, you may wake the dead." Gabriel laughed. Sam's eyes went wide. "Ta-da!" Gabriel said as he did jazz hands. Sam grabbed Gabriel into a bone crushing hug that would kill any human. Luckily, Gabriel was an angel, and therefore immune to death by hug.

"Took your sweet time." Dean grumbled.

"Finding my vessel and getting him to consent is a delicate process." Gabriel shrugged. "Sammy sweetie, I assumed after all this time you'd be all over me in a different way." Gabriel laughed.

"Time to go!" Dean shouted as he grabbed Cas and dragged him out of the room. Sam buried his face in Gabriel's shoulder.

"Sammy, I'm here. To stay." Gabriel smiled as he pat Sam's back.

"I'm just afraid I'm going to let go and you're going to disappear again." Sam mumbled into Gabriel's shoulder.

"I never left you babe." Gabriel smiled.


End file.
